And how to respond in a way that opens him up, rather than shutting him down.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good.”
“Fine.”
“All right.”
Sound familiar?
For many women, it feels like trying to connect with an emotional brick wall. But here’s the truth: your man is feeling things. He just hasn’t been taught to name them. And for years, the safest option has been to stay vague. “I’m fine” is shorthand for: I don’t feel secure enough to tell you the truth.
Even when he does risk opening up by admitting he’s stressed, sad, or insecure, many men find that it backfires. He shares, and suddenly, he’s not just holding his own emotions; he’s managing your emotional reaction to his honesty. He leaves feeling punished for speaking. That’s exhausting. Over time, a lot of men quietly decide: It’s safer not to share at all.
But there’s another way.
1. Get Specific Together
Most men’s emotional vocabulary is about five words deep: good, fine, tired, angry, horny. Expanding that palette takes practice. Instead of asking, “How are you feeling?” try:
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“Were you more frustrated or more sad about that?”
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“Did it feel like pressure, or more like rejection?”
Your acceptance and curiosity start to offer him a language map he may not have yet.
2. Don’t Make His Feelings About You
If he says, “I felt anxious when money came up,” resist the reflex to answer, “So you don’t think I’m careful enough?” That flips his vulnerability into something he has to fix. Instead, mirror back:
“You felt anxious when we talked about money. That makes sense. Thanks for telling me.”
When you turn his sharing into a referendum on yourself, he learns it’s unsafe to be honest. But when you acknowledge what he’s given you, you show him it’s safe to bring more.
3. Be a Witness, Not a Judge
When he risks opening up, even awkwardly, treat it like him handing you a fragile artifact. Hold it. Don’t critique it. Don’t polish it. Just let it be.
The work here isn’t about fixing, it’s about holding. When he feels received without judgment, he will expand. When he expands, so will the relationship. That’s what turns “roommates” into lovers.
And remember this: you are not his therapist, and you are not his mother. You are his partner — the divine feminine mirror who receives him with openness, not someone tasked with rescuing or managing him. Your gift is presence, not parenting.
The Heart of It
A man’s ultimate gift isn’t just his words, it’s the quality of his presence. But here’s the paradox: he can’t offer that presence if he feels like every admission is going to cost him respect. Your role is to make space without punishing his honesty.
Because when you can receive his truth without recoil, without making it about you, you create the conditions for him to show more of himself.
That’s intimacy.
And here’s the twist: that’s only half the story.
The other half is what he does with that opening — how a man can share feelings in a way that deepens intimacy rather than erodes it, embodying vulnerability with leadership and presence.
👉 That’s where we’ll go in the following article.
If you’re tired of hitting the ‘I’m fine’ wall and want a step-by-step way to build the skills for real intimacy, the FANOS Pillow comes with a guided therapeutic booklet that shows you exactly how to do it together.
