A close friend of mine is a marriage & family counselor. She’s been working with couples for over 12 years. One day I asked her point-blank:
“Does couples therapy really work?”
She smiled and said:
“Therapy can absolutely help. But if you and your partner give this exercise just 10 minutes a day, it’ll do more for your trust, connection, and intimacy than six months of sessions with me.”
That exercise is called FANOS. It’s a 5-step nightly check-in we started practicing, and it’s been shockingly effective:
-
F – Feelings: name one real emotion you felt today
-
A – Affirmations: share one thing you genuinely appreciated about your partner
-
N – Needs: state one clear need (no guessing games)
-
O – Ownership: admit where you messed up or could’ve done better
-
S – Strengths/Struggles: highlight a personal win or something you’re wrestling with
It takes 5–10 minutes, no therapist required. But the impact?
-
Resentments don’t get stockpiled.
-
Gratitude becomes the daily language.
-
Apologies land softly, without drama.
-
Closeness feels natural. Safety feels real. Presence feels alive.
-
And yes, our sex life and pleasure grew in ways we hadn’t expected.
I’ll be honest: I was scared the first week. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this vulnerable and open. But now, just a few weeks in, I can’t imagine not doing it. It’s become our nightly reset button.
My question for you:
What’s the one ritual, habit, or exercise that’s had a bigger impact on your relationship than therapy ever did?
